Moderation

Black and white have always been friends of mine. Even now I struggle with finding happiness in the shades of in between that are moderation and self preservation. I revel in broad, sweeping finalities - I will not cut my hair AT ALL until 6.21.13; I will never go to the dentist again, I will live in a yurt with no power, no running water, and a herd of sheep. These statements are finite limitations that set boundaries around myself, shielding me from my own power. Using softer statements require me to make decisions constantly, even if they are small, seemingly insignificant.

Each of these shaded statements, sketched in with the flat of the pencil instead of pressed in with the fine point, reinforced my personal power, creates options, opens up spaces. I'll cut my hair if I decide I'm unhappy with it; I'll find a dentist that I really connect with, even if it's a mainstream dentist who wants to slather me in fluoride; I'll live in some sort of eco-housing, probably with power and running water, but with a simplicity that I don't currently find in my living arrangements.

Those statements are frightening, in a way. They require so much thought, so much evolution of ideology. Most days I would rather do a complete paradigm shift (I will never drink soda again), then breaking apart the crystalline structure that I've built, parsing it out, examining each structure and support (Soda isn't good for me, but sometimes caffeine has therapeutic value, and it tastes good, as long as I drink it in moderation). That's part of positive change, though. I've spent my life embracing radical, all encompassing change (buzzing my head and dying my hair blue, getting three piercings on my 18th birthday, running away from home at 16). 

It's time now to make one more radical change - shattering my previous patterns and embracing temperance and moderation in my life. Each day is a new day to change one tiny thing, improve myself and my world. I'm ready to take what I need and leave the rest, rather than taking it all, or taking nothing.